Abyssus Abyssum Invocat

Death of a Saint

saintfallen — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:16:53 +0000

If you’ve found this then you probably liked my old blog or you’re part of the reason I had to delete it. -_-

St.Fallen is dead and the abyss is no more available for public viewing.

So fuck off.

Bye (:

What You Want.

saintfallen — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 14:29:49 +0000

What you wanna say
Wait until you get home
I’m sick of communicating now over the telephone
Tell me how you feel
For I am lonely too
Need you to know
I’m just as cold and numb as you.

But I could fly away
Or I could be no one
And you could be the
Sunshine falling over the mountain.

You could come to stay
Yes you could come right home
I don’t see why I have to
Live this life all alone.

I know there is a way to make up for mistakes
I know what’s happening is for a reason.

What You Want by John Butler Trio

Fine Again.

saintfallen — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 04:16:43 +0000

It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…

I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine for me
For me; for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself

Fine Again by Seether

The Bottom Of The Abyss.

saintfallen — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:40:31 +0000

I’ve hit an all new low. My topic for the oral presentation we had to do at class was Depression. I’m so fucking depressed. It’s moving into self-neglect and self-harm now. Not a good sign. And yet, nothings improving. I am a coward. A procrastinator and a coward. I am so afraid. I want to be selfish. For once I just want to do the most selfish thing but I can’t. I will always be selfless yet unwanted.

Yesterday was probably one of the worst so far. Today is not going to be easy. I don’t even know what’s going to happen. I’m screwed. I am so fucking screwed. FUCK! I am such a fucking coward I never face up to things in time. I always run. I always run away. I can never find a safe place to hide. All my walls can be seen through. I am only partially here and I’m not sure how much longer I will be. I’ve thought long and hard about this many times before and it’s never been more difficult. I just want all this to be over. I just want to start again. But the ghosts of my past still linger. I can not run away from myself.

Right now I feel alright, and I’m sober so that’s really good. What it took to get me here however is not so good. I think I may be getting addicted, or rather developing a need. I shouldn’t. I can’t let my guard down. This is just the calm before the storm. I highly doubt I’m going to make it. But I can hope. Though “Hope is always fear for the pain it may cost” as Sarah Bettens says in her song All Of This Past (featured below).

This might be the last post for a while or possibly the last I’ll ever write. I will be back though, in another time or place. My soul will always linger here in the dark, in the comfort of my abyss.

“The light is beautiful but I’m darker than light.”

More demo recordings..

saintfallen — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:22:56 +0000

I recorded Forever and an instrumental Downtown yesterday. You can listen to them here: http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/849773

Hope you like it. Enjoy.

Bookworm.

saintfallen — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 03:56:40 +0000

You’re no open book
Yet I won’t judge by the cover
Whatever’s inside is worth a look
More than the ephemeral diversion that is outside
I will scratch the surface slowly so that you won’t notice
I will bring out what is within
I will prove you wrong
You will never want to be any other one
You are who you are nothing will change that
Whatever it is be proud of it
‘Cause in the end it’s all you have.

Some rights reserved. The above work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.

I’d like to thank Kevin Liyanage for helping me choose a picture for this one.

Post 100

saintfallen — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 11:09:48 +0000

This is officially the 100th post on my blog. I didn’t celebrate the 50th as some others did ’cause I forgot. Hehe. So yeah, the point of this post is to wish my blog a Happy Postday! xD

Sad.

My Requiem.

saintfallen — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 15:07:32 +0000

Be my friend
Hold me
Wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me.

Click here to listen to Breathe Me by Sia

“Like an angel who is fading on the edge of time
Like a burden on your shoulders can be crossing your mind
Like a stranger only danger can be on your mind
For no reason only visions will be in the night

I believe when the sun goes down
I believe in love

To many people you’re on your own
Seize the day and try to carry on…

On the edge I will fight them all
To the end of time
I will seek for the restless call
All the lies will fade away and die…”

Click here to listen to Clint Mansell’s Requiem For A Dream

I love this cover : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Ma4BvMUwU

I’m going to try play that on the piano now. Hope you guys liked it.

Lost Without, Missed Within.

saintfallen — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 06:04:21 +0000

I miss your silhouette picture-framed by the screens
I miss the way you’d dance as if you never knew misery
And I wish we could have been so much more for so much longer
I wish this could have been anything than what it is

Would you forgive me if I came running back to you?
Would you still see me if I was placed in your view
Would you stand by me if I stood right next to you?
Would you still love me if I said I love you?

I miss the colour of the walls you chose
I miss the shape your clothes would make on the floor
And I wish you wouldn’t ask me
“Could you please come back and save me?
’cause I’m lost here without you and you won’t turn and face me
So how am I to say goodbye
When you’ve got your back turned against me?
So turn around and say you love me
Make me feel a little less empty
Tell me now just how you feel for me
’cause I really don’t know”

You really don’t know
You really don’t notice, do you?
You really don’t know
You really don’t notice, notice me

And I wish you wouldn’t ask me
“Could you please come back and save me?
’cause I’m lost here without you and you won’t turn and face me
So how am I to say goodbye
When you’ve got your back turned against me?
So turn around and say you love me
Make me feel a little less empty
Tell me now just how you feel for me
’cause I really don’t know”

Would you forgive me if I came running back to you?
Would you still see me if I was placed in your view?
Would you stand by me if I stood right next to you?
Would you still love me if I said I love you?
Would you say you love me too?

Some rights reserved. The above work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.

Blogger In The Neighbourhood

saintfallen — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 14:42:02 +0000

Whilst reading my post BOOM! Unsilent Dawn wondered if I lived close to his place. Turns out I do! So today I met up with him after class near the Maliban factory. He told me about his job and his plans etc. as I walked home. He seems alright, might hang out with him sometime during the weekend. I showed him the weed dealers place since he wanted to try taking weed by himself and then writing. Hope that turns out better than my attempt.